[I dedicate this post to my girl Cami]

Cool chicks are always getting the short end of the sticks when it comes to guys and their relationships with them. Shall I elaborate? I shall! Well lookey.. the story goes like this:

You got a cool chick. And by cool chick I mean a girl that’s not holdin on to a dudes nuts, that’s not drama, that’s not all up in his biz-nazz. A girl who’s got her own shit brewin and her own deals goin on. Therefore, she doesn’t have patience for the petty ish that comes with a “relationship” of which ever kind of relationship you want to speak of.

She’s mostly juss playin things cool with whatever guy she’s involved with. Like yo… you wanna be “friends?” Cool let’s juss be “friends”.. You wanna “hang out?” Cool let’s “hang out”… You wanna “fool around?” Ya that’s sounds good, let’s “fool around.” Whatever the deal is.. if she wants to do it… she’s gonna do it. Bottom line she’s doin whatever SHE wants to do. She’s not sweatin on titles. She’s not sweatin on rules. She’s not sweatin anything else you maybe have goin on. It’s not a damn thing, because she’s juss a cool chick. Cool… calm… and collected.

This is a dream girl for ANY guy in my eyes. Especially a guy that considers himself a player in the dating game. But this is where the shit gets messed up. When dudes have a girl like this, this cooooool chick, they don’t even know what to do with her. Guys SWEAR this is their dream girl, but that’s definitely NOT the case. And guess what they prefer….???.. that’s right..THE DRAMA CHICK.

And for all of you guys thinking “BULLSHIT” then you’d better recognize. Think about it. When it comes to your cool chick, for some reason you always think that it’s HER that’s catching feelings and such. This is brand new news to her, because in reality she couldn’t give two shits. Like I mentioned, she’s got bigger fish to fry and the relationship you guys got goin on is considered gold fish status. What really happened is that your side/drama chick is in fact causin too much drama.

This beezy went and pissed on you and now your balls are hers. So she does what all drama chicks do: Call you off the hook, stalk your Facebook, call you out on bullshit, chase away other chicks, always want you around, and basically always needing your help and attention. And as a guy, you like this. No matter how much you think you want the cool chick that doesn’t hassle you about commitment, you in fact, like to feel wanted and needed. Yo.. aint’ no body judging you because truth be told, we all want that. Besides, it’s not like you chose her over your cool chick, to the contrary, she chose you… sucka.

The only problem is, I can’t bring myself to be that despy-chick, and neither can any other cool chick. But like I said, everyone wants to feel wanted and needed so in turn, we get the short end of the stick when it comes to relationships.

I juss want to rest easy, let things flow, let things develop…. you know? Naturally and calmly. The problem is you give a guy too long of a leash and he finds himself a yappy ass Chihuahua and he happens to like the fact that she’s pissing on his leg every five seconds. Well damn! If that’s what I gotta do then count me out. But it blows my mind when guys accuse a cool chick of being this; this yappy, pissing chihuahua. Talk about a selective perception. Dudes gotta be straight hallucinating to mistake me with one of those.

Like, get back to me when you’re ready to talk to a real bitch. And you guys already know how I feel about that word. This is the perfect context and I am not referring to myself as a female dog. Because those pussy ass Chihuahuas don’t got ish on a real bitch.

Obviously I’m always simply here to help. And I juss want to make sure you guys know what’s up in case you ever find yourself in a relationship with one of these cool chicks. If you want to get pissed on, then quit pretending that you’re a commitment-phobe. As a cool chick I’m thinkin; ‘if you wanted a relationship, then why didn’t you say so?!!! I maybe wouldn’t mind being your girl, but at the same time I’m not stressin over it. Because truth be told, I’m not the type to ever initiate one,’

The cool chick is a wallflower in the relationship while other beezys are breakin it down on the dance floor. I can break it down too! Shit I can dance in circles around these broads if I really wanted to, but I was juss tryin to be cool and chill, that two-step shit. That’s what guys claim they want, because trust me I listen, but actions speak louder than words and they’re showin they like the drama.

Hold up…Lightbulb moment: I think I figured out the problem with the “cool chicks.” Ya we do what we want when we want. We don’t trip if you call us or if you don’t call us. Either way we’re always good. We fuck up though, because it seems like we’re too available. Like we’re at a mofo’s beck and call. Because they don’t see the fact that we’re goin to the movies or dinner and talkin with some other idiot when they don’t call us. But when they do hit us up, we immediately hang out if we’re not busy.

Goes back to the games needed to be played. Like, sorry I should have marked in my calendar when the last day I saw you was and allowed a minimum of a week to go by the next time I talked to you and shit. (I don’t play games so I can only imagine this is one of the rules). Or like, I answered your phone call last time you called so this time I’m only gonna text back….  …  ….Get the eff outta here with that ish!

Im soo not bout it.

I think ultimately I juss want someone to come correct. If Imma play the “cool chick” with you then you’re obviously not serious ‘boo’ material. Because a serious ‘boo’ will have serious game.. Like “look girl.. I’m tryin to talk to you straight up” Boom! Suddenly I’m not “cool” or “drama”… Im juss Juelz.

If you’re a guy and got distracted by a drama chick, it never fails you’ll always go crawlin back to the cool chick. I suggest you make it an ‘all or nothin’ deal with your cool chick because it’s only a matter of time that a real dude comes and swoops her from your clutch. After all, she’s only chillin until the next best thing… or it could be you.

Mucho Love,

Juelzy G.

P.S.

How cool?… we’re ice cold

It’s another Juelzy Words Of Wisdom Wednesday and I knoooow you’re excited! I wanna speak on a word many people like to use, but I always wonder if they really believe what they’re sayin about it. I’m talkin about Faith. Now part of the reason I’m so skeptical about people when they talk about faith is that their actions don’t measure up. I’m not talkin about jumping out a window and having faith that you won’t die. That shit would be silly, because it juss may be your time to die juss as you decided to leap out that window. And I’m also not talkin about putting Jesus stickers on your car windows.

But I am talkin about other different ‘leaps’ in life. People swear they have faith, but yet they make excuses in order to stay in their comfort zones and not pursue anything they may be passionate about. This could be a career, could be traveling, could be a talent, what have you! If people really had faith, they would do what they really want to do.

I took a GIANT leap of faith when I decided to go to college. For most people this wouldn’t be considered a leap at all. Shiet it might even be an expectation. But when you’re a young, un-wealthy, B-average, Mexican, female with strict parents the odds are definitely against you and that shit is definitely a leap to say the least. But bottom line is, I knew what I wanted and I knew I had to do it or else I’d never be happy.

So while away at school I was your typical broke college student at her finest! At one point I was working 30 hours a week as one of those annoying phone sales people in the mall. You know the ones I’m talkin about: “excuse me sir! Can I see your phone please?! Sir! Does your wife need a phone?! SIIIRRR!!” By the end I was only workin 10 hours a week doing bottle service at a not-so fancy downtown Long Beach nightclub where my clientele often wore either cowboy boots or cortezes. And sometimes I was juss unemployed. Whatever the case I was always struggling. But some how I managed to pay for school and only had to take out one minor loan.

One time, I remember, I had just paid a ridiculous amount of money for Winter and Spring tuition and the only thing I could do is sit and stare at my living room wall for a very long time. My roommates felt they had to get me outta that funk so after much protest they convinced me to go to our favorite nightclub at that time. I managed to let loose after a few free drinks. I’m on the dance floor literally rubbing elbows with Christina Milian when suddenly someone from her entourage starts ‘makin it rain’… 20’s!!! I hit the ground so fast with absolutely no shame in my game. Couple of my friends came up with like $60 each…. I came up with like $280. Needless to say I could pay a couple bills that weekend.

Another time I remember strollin through Target, because I looove pimpin out my school supplies in order to pump me up for the new semester. I got a few things, but I was kinda sad that I had to put some notebooks back because I knew I had some old ones stashed some where and it would save me some money. When I got home I got my old book bag outta my closet and looked for my notebooks. And juss as I was bout to start rippin out pages that had already been written on from old classes with information I had already forgotten, I saw a crumbled piece of paper. It was actually an envelope with $500 in it! Can I tell you what finding $500 is to a broke ass college student?! Let’s juss say I was ecstatic and felt nauseous at the same time. My roommates’ first response was “holy shit… I’m coming to church with you this Sunday.”

Now I know what you’re thinking….there has to be a logical explanation for that. And I do know where the money could have come from, but there was an instance when I specifically remember saying to myself “shit, I wish I hadn’t already spent that money.” Therefore, that money damn near came outta no where.

Pshh.. And those were just some moments from the financial aspect of my ‘leap’ of faith. I look back now and I am literally overwhelmed when I think of everything it took me to get from point A to point B and I seriously wonder if I could handle doing it again. Something tells me if I did have to, the journey would be no where near the same anyways. But for the sake of pondering the question, if I had to do it all again knowing everything I’d have to go through, I’d say yes, because the return outweighs the risks (that comment was o-so corny considering I was a finance major).

I remember the day I walked into Mama G’s room and I told her what I was going to do: that I wanted to transfer to a university that was 350+ miles away…and that I knew the odds were against me, but if I kept repeating that to myself then they would ALWAYS be against me. Three years later I now have that piece of paper in my hands that supposedly justifies the fact that I ‘know’ something. Personally I don’t think it does this at all, because being in college I realized there’s actually a bunch of idiots in the world. Anyways, I’ll go into my thoughts on college later. But ultimately that piece of paper, that I call my degree, says that I can do anything I put my mind to despite all odds.

There’s only one thing that got me through, hands down, it was faith. Some how, some way I made it out alive. No matter what bullshit happened, I was always okay. No matter what obstacles were presented, things always worked out. It’s when you’re so close to the edge that you realize how blessed you are to have been pulled back some how. It never failed. Comin in sooo clutch!

The worst thing you can do is underestimate faith. And the best thing you can do is persistently embrace it.

Mucho love,

Juelzy G.

P.S.

“Faith and fear… where one is found… the other cannot exist” -Napoleon Hill

My grad hat reads “everybody got a deal I did it without one” – Drake. And I’m pretty sure I’m holding the Angel that helped me believe in faith… Mama G.

So today is Ash Wednesday and I thought I’d take a little minute and speak on it real quick. This basically means lent is starting in the Catholic religion. And even though I was raised Catholic, I mostly consider myself simply “spiritual” versus “religious.” I do. however, still go to a Catholic church almost every Sunday. I go to hear a positive message and have some one-on-one time with God. I don’t go to hear about any church politics. I could do this at any church, temple etc. since they all originally had the same message. But since I’m comfortable with a Catholic church, that’s the one I choose to go to.

So I decided on having “Juelzy’s Words of Wisdom Wednesdays” since I definitely have a spiritual side to me. Maybe I can get into that another time but Wednesday is almost over and I really wanna talk about a little sum sum called “forgiveness.”

People… can I just express to you how much I love the state of california right now?! Ponder with me, yes?! Ok. First let me mention that I feel very entitled to talk about this because I can get an overall aspect of Cali given that I was raised in The Bay and now reside in LA ( yea I meant it to rhyme). I couldn’t be more proud to be a Cali girl, because I simply love this state!

Firstly, let’s talk about the weather and geographical location. All you other states can kiss our assssss when it comes to weather. Our weather shits on every other place in this nation. California is the only state worth visiting that you can literally go surfing in the morning go on dune buggies in the afternoon then go to the snow in the evening. I mean you’ll be tired, but I’m sayin, it can be done. Our winters aren’t too harsh and our summers aren’t too miserable. We have forests, orchards, farmland, lakes, rivers, mountains, oceans, sand dunes, what more could you want??! I’ll tell you….nothin!

Secondly, I love the diversity between people. You can get a little bit of everything here. There’s no doubt in my mind that you can find a trace of every culture in the world presented some where in California.

Living in The Bay there was so much interracial mixing it wasn’t even funny. I remember a picture of my 6th birthday party and all the neighborhood kids were gathered around my kitchen table while I blew out my birthday candles. You would have thought it was a meeting between the United Nations. I had Asians, Whites, Blacks, Mexicans and Lord knows what else all at one table all from one street in my neighborhood.

I don’t know how many little China Towns, Little Italy’s, Little Armenia’s and so many other of those little towns I pass on the freeway. Seems like there’s one every other exit. All this means is that we have some of the best food as well. Obviously we’re challenged by other states that are able to specialize since there’s a large concentration of one race, but we definitely win on the diversity tip. Like, I would not eat Mexican food in New York, I can only stick to Italian.

Also, Cali politics are one of the best you could ask for living in this country. Like this is the only state you can puff on a blunt and blow the smoke in front of a cops face and only get a fine as long as your weed possession is under the ‘legal’ limit. Well, you might get a little jail time for doin all that, but I’m sayin, it’s a slap on the wrist compared to a state like Texas for instance.

Our governor is a damn actor for crying out loud… only in Cali. And Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t even try to fake the funk. Straight up, he said he inhaled. Anything can happen in Cali if an Austrian immigrant turned bodybuilder turned actor can become governor and then have the nerve to be a Republican and then also try and impose harsh immigrant laws. No wonder so many flock here from all over.

We’re a liberal kind of state and I think we’re one of the only states with a little bit of sense left. So many states and their people are brain washed and don’t bother asking questions. Im glad to know that if some shit is off, you can still see protests here like they often did back in the day when they used to burn their bras and all that jazz.

Enough bout that.. can we talk about the music?! Shiet.. even east coast king Biggie Smalls wanted to come back to Cali Cali. Now I grew up on a bunch of west coast rap from the Bay and L.A alike: West Side Connection, E-40, Eazy-E, Too Short, and Snoop Dogg often woke me up, took me to school and put me to bed as a kid. That’s juss the rap aspect of Cali music, because they prominently represent Cali publicly. But you can find musicians from every genre that are from Cali.

But can I say somethin real quick?…fuck Katy Perry!.. she needs to take her florescent cartoon ass self else where. Maybe Kentucky or some lame place like that. I’m ashamed of her song California Gurls. How dare she compare that song up against Jay-Z and Alicia Keys’ Empire State of Mind. Like are you serious?! I don’t like dissing artists, but that shit was embarrassing and I don’t feel like she represented Cali and it’s “gurls” like she should have. And even if she did in her own way, it was wrong of her to compare it to Empire State of Mind. They’re not even on the same level.

Well anyways, lastly I love that we have so many dope cities like Los Angeles and San Francisco. Bright lights and sky scrapers make me giddy and there’s so many cities to choose from in Cali. There’s so many people hustlin and bustlin tryin to make their California-cation dreams come true. Everyone’s alive here, not juss on some work horse/hamster wheel hype.

And the nightlife is crazy as well. In Cali “you’ll never find a dance floor empty.” I’ve partied in many cities in my life, and their aint no party like a West Coast party. That’s all imma say about that.

It’s the place where you can escape from anything, because there’s so much of everything. So whether you’re juss passin through or you’re here to say or you’ve been here from the beginning… I suggest you appreciate what Cali has to offer. Take advantage but don’t abuse it. We have our own attitudes, so if you don’t like it, then you can kick rocks!

Cali will always have my heart. It is home and I wouldn’t want to say I’m from any where else. Proud of my Cali roots! I may love to travel and all that good stuff… but I’ll always go back to Cali.. Cali.

Mucho Love,

Juelzy G.

P.S

You knoooo

So you show up to the club suited n booted up. You’re perked from the pre-party, or as we like to call it in Cali “parkin lot pimpin.” This is when you drink in the car so all you need is maybe one to two $12 drinks in the club. In Europe everyone juss gets drunk freely in the street, in front of cops and all that good stuff. Your ass will get arrested if you did that here. So we pour vodka into a water bottle and chase it with some juice and we’re good to go!… O-so classy we know.

So once you complete the mission of bypassing a line of tourists and get in the club the first thing is to get your drink on a little more and the next step is to find something good to look at for the next three hours you’re up in that mugg. In LA and in many other places for that matter, the ratio to cute guys to cute girls is like 1:20. That means for every cute guy there’s 20 cute girls. Damn 80/20 principle! In other words, that means that the odds are not skewed in your favor if you’re a girl.

Ugh. So how annoying is it though when you see that ONE fine guy you’ve been eye effin’ all night, after turning around for ONE second, all of sudden he’s all over the drunkest girl in the club. You all know who I’m talkin about…that girl. On a quick side note, please don’t be that girl. You look like you are absolutely starving for attention. Like geezus we see you! You’re only fallin off of the couches, grinding on whatever resembles a stripper pole and dancing on tables like you were the Go-go while you wave around the damn near empty Svedka Vodka bottle as your makeup melts off your face. Now can you please put your coochie away? Like that’s only acceptable if its you’re birfday. Thank youuuu.

Anyways, its apparent that he completely settled. He’s just trying to get that ass, duh! He hasn’t been out all week because he’s got that 9-5, he’s frustrated because the bouncer was trippin’ off his shoes and he had to wait in line for an hour because he has no table. He picked out the easiest thing in that place, because it was a for sure deal. I don’t know who should class it up more, the guy or that girl. But that’s why there’s no love in the club.

Damn it people, I’m guilty. I’m guilty for thinking I can find love in the club despite the fact that I KNOW better. But to be real, running into a guy at the grocery store or Borders has NEVER happened to me. And all the guys at my gym are gay. And even if I had seen someone who made me do the double-take, there was no liquid courage involved so no one was approached. Like, excuse me for getting my hopes up…can’t a girl dream?!…Nope! That’s what guys specifically go to the club for…ASS! And I’m tired of girls thinking they can really find love in the club. You guys know I don’t advocate one-night stands, but do what you do and juss know it may not necessarily be love you’re getting.

Yea we’ve heard of people finding someone….but how long did that last? How healthy is the relationship? Chances are it’s not too healthy, or it’s even dead by now. I don’t know why this happens, it juss does. Which is why it urks me that if I do find a cute dude in the club, he’s gotta go for the easiest girl. I mostly go to kick it with my homies, but is it so wrong that I just wanted to LOOK at him for two hours….thats all! Is that too much to ask?!

Whatevs, ladies you juss do you. Dress for you and then when you get to the club wave your hands in the air like you juss don’t care, but don’t act a fool. You know… just in case someone else is lookin……..Ugh, I’m sorry! I can’t help if I’m a hopeless romantic! But if you’re like me ALWAYS have in mind that the odds are against you. And it aint love, it’s lust.

Mucho Love,

Juelzy G.

Ps.

All I want to know is… WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS GOIN ON OUT THERE?! Soooo… This is kind of a difficult topic for me, but I feel I gotta speak on it. Guys just think it’s waaaay too easy to get the goodies now-a-days, and that’s probably because… it is! Like shit, I don’t even blame them judging by what I see and hear. The other day one of my homies told me girls be fuckin for free drinks in the VIP and a bacon wrapped hot dog, or LA street meat/ danger dogs, like we like to call it over here in Hollyweird. Well damn! Is that really what I’m up against?! Truth be told, I wouldn’t want to be with whatever guy those girls were with anyways. But at the same time I feel like even the good ones have this mentality now: that the goods are o-so easy to get from ALL girls.

Call me old school, which I often do, but this is juss not how things work in my mind. Like, is that what it’s really like in the dating world?: Where you have to give up the goods first in order to seal an “official” title? Like, mofo you haven’t even bought me a MEAL, you don’t even know how many siblings I have, or what my real hair color is, and you already feel entitled to these goodies?! What happened to really getting to know the person first, having a title and then, if things hold true down the road a few months to what you thought, then “consummate” the relationship. One time a guy told me “you have to test drive the car before you buy it.” I simply replied that if that’s the case then he “needs to go to a Nissan dealership, because everyone knows a Bentley rides well.” I don’t care what kind of denial you’re in, but there are ALWAYS some kind of feelings and emotions associated with sex. And if I know I can’t trust you with those, then aint nothin goin down.

Part of me can’t blame a guy for trying, because I’d be naive to think that sex isn’t the first thing on his mind. But I don’t see the respect in them asking in the first place; especially when we don’t even know each other that well. And thats my number one thing in a relationship: Respect. That’s what it should be in any relationship. Think about it. Every aspect of a relationship can be traced back to respect: If you respect me then there’s trust; I know you will not do anything intentionally to hurt me. If you respect me then there’s communication; I know you care about what I have to say. If you respect me then there’s loyalty; I know that you will be there for me no matter what.

I can’t really speak on what anyone else thinks the dating game consists of, but the way I see it is like this: The guys are basically trying to get the goods. However, there are some that are actually genuine and my job is to figure out which ones are and get rid of the ones that aren’t without getting hurt in the process. But I aint even gonna lie, like every other game, sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some.

During this game some people say ‘fuck it’ and let it be known that they’re not looking for anything serious. I see it’s a lot easier for guys to do this. Some girls can juke their emotions enough to do this as well, but they’re the first to get labeled as whores and such. I think this is a big front anyways…like Lauryn said ”don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem.” I don’t care how much of a feminist you are or what other culture you come from, because as a whole society, we’re juss not there yet. And you WILL be labeled a slutty girl. Whether this is something you’re willing to deal with is a personal decision.

“word spreads fast that your knees spread quick”

I really don’t think sex is this thing thats going to condemn everyone to hell or anything like that and you guys all know by now it’s not like me to judge anyone. I mostly just think its about the respect. Call it selfish.. please! But I have to make sure that the other person respects me before, during and after. And if you give in to the heat of the moment then you better be able to deal with whatever consequences come from it as well. Don’t act surprised when he doesn’t call you back. After all, it was a one-night-stand!

Its true, sometimes you hear of those crazy situations that actually end with a successful relationship, but those are considered very lucky scenarios. Something I heard a few times and I couldn’t agree more with is: as a girl, sex is the best compliment you can give to a guy. And at the end of the day, if you know you’re worth, this is what it is. So let’s hold on to the goods, ya ladies?! Because to be real, some of you floozies are makin it hard for a girl to be good out there. They’re lookin at me like I’m the crazy one or a liar, when really that’s not the case and I refuse to feel that way.

And guys, ugh! You know what’s up. You don’t want girls to think all guys are the same and we don’t want you to think all girls are the same. Don’t get it twisted. Realize who you’re talkin to. And check yourselves before you wreck yourselves. (Told you I was old school).

Mucho Love,

Juelzy G.

P.S.

See?! And thats why she’s my girl. I love me some Ci Ci…She gets me! Judging by her song I think Ciara understands my views on this subject. I actually got the opportunity yesterday to have someone relay the message to her that I appreciate her positive lyrics. She was grateful and I hope she keeps creating more like it.

I love love. Im surrounded by love. My family and God show me unconditional love on an every day basis. I love my friends and they love me, but nothing compares to the love of that one other person. And it’s something everyone wants and needs. Shiet, thugs need love too!

I don’t know if you’ve ever been in love before, but I have. It was that true in love-love…. not that dysfunctional shit you hear about now a days. Kinda funny I’m talkin like it was back in the good’ol days or something, but I swear thats what I feel has happened. Maybe it’s because my love was at a pure age before it was tainted with other temptations. We never cheated on each other, we respected each other and we truly cared for one another. I feel as though these things juss don’t exist any more in most relationships and if they do, it’s very rare that you hear about it. Of course even all good things must come to an end, and for different reasons we couldn’t savor a friendship, but I never regret having had that first love.

I’ve had some messed up situations when it comes to dating, but I can’t say I’ve lost complete hope that I’ll find someone worth it, or rather we’ll find each other, that juss gives me that feeling. You know that feeling I’ve mentioned before, thats ALMOST inexplicable. It gives you that tingling sensation that goes through your limbs… them butterflies in your stomach… and your chest and cheeks feel instantly warm. You have an uncontrollable smile and I swear there’s stars in your eyes. The feeling that’s juss there as soon you look at them and they look at you… kinda somethin like this:

Oooo Valentine’s Day. The joys you bring every year. The birds are chirpin… the bees are buzzin. And I have to listen to all my single girlfriends get absolutely depressed, because they are reminded that they are indeed single. As if they didn’t realize it all of the other 364 days they were single as well since last year. I have to listen to my non-single girlfriends stress about what to get their boo judging by the amount of time they’ve been together. And their confusion as to what their guy is going to get them. But the worst thing I hate dealing with around this time is the way even single guys FREAKS THE EFF OUT during this time.

It’s like waaaay too much pressure for them or something. Single girls know what I’m talkin about. And you guys know too, so guess what…WE NOTICE! Yea, you’re not so slick. The story goes: you just recently met a guy, let’s say in December or January, and you’ve been talkin on the phone and such since. This is the “oh, we’re juss talkin stage” not necessarily the “we’re dating stage.” And then soon as February comes around and he starts noticing all those pink and red decorations at Target, and starts to say “oh shit.”

The calls come less frequently, then on the actual day of, you don’t hear SHIT from him. Then the next day he tries to pick up where he left off, but you’re in for a surprise patna’! Its really kinda funny actually, this crap cracks me up! It’s so unnecessary to put soo much sauce on nothing. But the fact that you freaked out about it makes it much easier to cut you loose. I want a guy who’s cool, calm and collected, you feel me? Like, I don’t need you to tell me you love me and stuff, but maybe a “happy valentines day” text would be sufficient. This juss shows you’re not a complete little bitch and you can handle awkward situations.

Which is basically what Valentine’s Day is, a big ass awkward situation. And can I take this moment to tell you guys how I feel about awkward situations?….I HATE AWKWARD SITUATIONS. They are sooo uncomfortable and I will do everything in my power to revive one. I will search for every witty remark in my head in order to save a moment that has turned awkward. The feeling awkwardness sends through my body is not a pleasant one and that shit gives me anxiety! So please, don’t be awkward around me. Thank youuu. Ok back to doom’s day… I mean V-day.

I think we can take on this propaganda filled day as a society if everyone juss took an effin chill pill! You were single yesterday and you’re still single today. There’s no need to be bitter. Hell, I still went to Victoria’s Secret and got myself a new thong. Just because I don’t have a valentine doesn’t mean I have to walk around that day with some granny panties. I bought myself a new perfume too. Thanks Valentine! Also known as Juelz! I loved it… it was EXACTLY what I wanted!

And If you have a boo then yesterday was also the same as today. But I aint even gonna lie. I HATE PDA and this day in particular brings out the worst in people when it comes to kissing and hugging and BLAHHHH! Sorry I get nauseous…I have a really weak stomach. Honestly, it’s not that I’m a hater or something. I juss really don’t want to see two people all over each other, because all I do is get weird mental pictures of you two having sex. Thats what PDA does and it is NOT cute to me. It’s another awkward situation.

So since I’m not a bitter broad I can make a suggestion for you girls that do have a boo this v-day. Girls I don’t think you can go wrong with a trip to Victoria’s Secret and some really nice cologne. I mean, I’m digging waaay back in my memory bank since its been a while, but I remember buying specifically Georgio Armani cologne. MMmmm mm this scent is o-so scrumptious. I used to swear anything that smelled like it was edible. And from what I know, other girls feel the same way. It’s kinda ironic actually that most ‘guy gifts’ are actually for the girls. Whatever, you both win in the end I’m sure.

The other guys that also urk me are the ones that purposely let it be known that they’re going to wait until after Valentine’s Day to pursue a certain girl so that it doesn’t hurt their bank. To that I say…you cheap asses! I’m personally a sucker for romance and nothing says romance more than pure thoughtfulness. I don’t think guys understand this: it’s not about how much money you put into something, it’s about the amount of thought you put into it. Trust me!

For instance, if you mindlessly take her to dinner for v-day, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, then you’ll most likely get a ‘thank you’ and ‘good night’ at the end of your date. But if you take her to that one restaurant she happened to mention that one time … you know which one I’m talkin about. That one that she was talkin about on a random tuesday?! Well that’s the one where you might juss get a ‘thank you’ and ‘good morning.’ I’m juss sayin, the relationship will most likely last longer if you make it more personal.

My solution for the rest of us singles: LETS ALL GO TO VEGAS! Think about it… this is possibly the best place to go on such an awkward day. It’s the one place thats the epitome of what single on Valentine’s Day should be. Im sure I’m not the only genius who’s figured this out, but that’s what will make that day in Vegas so much better. A bunch of singles flocking to one place. Of course, I’m sure there will still be a lot of PDA going on, but at least I know I won’t be sober enough to give damn. If I’m nauseated it won’t be due to hugs and kisses if you know what I mean. It’s either this or nothin’! If you’re a girl I don’t want to hear about you and your girlies sending each other crap. Stop it…that’s some middle school mess. Let’s juss enjoy being single. You weren’t complaining last week when you made out with that random at the bar right?!

Just enjoy the day for what it’s worth. This day was dedicated to simply celebrate love. Not to cause anxiety, depression or bitterness. Everyone let your minds rest easy and juss take this day to express the way you feel about your boo or your friends and family. There’s nothing I love more than Love and I hope you guys know that I love all of you! Why do you guys think I sign my name with this every time?:

Mucho Love,

Juelzy G.

P.S.

I loves this song. And I think it’s kinda in the middle of singles and couples. Ok maybe not completely, but I tried!